i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
