I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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