her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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