Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
