is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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