I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
