Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
