I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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