the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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