I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
