glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
