Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
