Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
