Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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