i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
