So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
