dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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