Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
