HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
