Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I want a musical about memes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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