hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
