Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
