call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i think im in europe. pls send help
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
