So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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