what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
