i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's get the cat blown out
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
