I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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