omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
