she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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