dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
