I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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