Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
