Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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