Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
