were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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