Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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