There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
