is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
