2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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