Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
