have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
