i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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