The maid of honor just puked.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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