Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The beer is more important than you right now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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