So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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