I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
cat food counts as protein by the way
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
