Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
