he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
