She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
