OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
