worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
