my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
