We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
