it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
