2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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