If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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