Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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