Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize