Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
