You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
