oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
