i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
