Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
