i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
