You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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