i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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