She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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