Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
