who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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