I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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