No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think i have herpe
just one?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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