I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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