y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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