I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
