Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
