we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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