think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
