so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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