Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
