Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
