My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize