I just saw a hot homeless man
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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